Page 122 - True Life in God (Volume 1)

116 True Life in God Notebook 14
Lord, I was fearing to become like a boat
without oars and be drifted backwards,
losing all what I was taught by You! I
panicked!
Vassula, I have to purify you; learn that
by purifying a soul, the soul will go
through terrible fears and anguishes; but
I am telling you this, that languishing for
Me inclines you to be raised into this
blessing;
Which is?
which is contemplation; I want your love
to reach perfection, giving yourself
entirely to Me;
Jesus, my soul longs for You.
little one, do I not long for you too?
1we, us; come, let us go;
(Now I understand Jesus is teaching me
two things at the same time: contemplation
and to have insight.
On July 26, it was as if God was
preparing me for this change; for already
the following day I felt as if His Light was
withdrawn slightly, I panicked.
Immediately my soul started to search the
reason, as I’m guilty and full of sin. I
searched which were those sins that might
have angered Him so much as to withdraw
slightly His light, had I offended Him? Or
could it be Satan doing this to me? I
thought that if it’s either, I because of
exactly this should all the more cling
tighter on my Saviour, pray more than
usual, meditate more, fully use all other
graces given to me, feel His Presence, talk
to Him more than ever, never forget His
Presence, work like I never worked so hard.
If it’s Satan, he’ll flee fuming, so I’ll let him
fume and he’ll leave me alone. On the other
hand, if it comes from God, a test, I would
like to pass it like a good student; I want
Him smiling.
1 We, us = He reminds me to talk to Him, using those
two words.
Several days passed, no change, my
strength was giving in, I was beginning to
panic now, I tried to serve Him with more
fervour and devotion, but I could not
understand yet why all this was not
helping, at least that’s what I believed.
Then my Saviour and Teacher explained to
me what was happening. When I thought
He had abandoned me, He was but
purifying me, lifting me into a higher level
of meditation, developing my intellect, and
infusing it with a subtle2 light, nourishing
me with insight.)
August 10, 1987
(Last night I was wakened up by the Lord
and He asked me to surrender, all over
again. My words were:
“Thank You, Father,
for having looked upon me,
who is but the personification
of the sins of this world.
Thank You for Your Mercy
when I denied You.
Thank You for the Love
You have for me.
In spite of my guilt,
You have lifted me into Your Heart.
Allow me to be near You,
near Your feet.
Already by allowing me this
it is more than I deserve.
Allowing me to talk to You
is more than I merit, I merit nothing.
Father, I surrender completely.
I know I’m nothing
but this nothing belongs to You.
You want to throw me in a corner,
do it.
You want to trample me, do it.
You want me to suffer only, do it.
You want me in Your Heart
then it is more then I ever deserved.
2 It’s obvious that even when I explain my own
feelings, God is dictating them to me. The word
‘subtle’ was loudly said to me as I was hesitating how
to describe this light. I looked it up in the dictionary
to find out what it meant, I didn’t know ...
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