True Life in God Notebook 105 1074 Lord, Your visits have resurrected me and I give glory to Your infinite Mercy. Yet, Lord, I still have another question: How is it that if You say that through my mouth Your Words will resound and give effect to many, Your Words sometimes, even spoken with fervour, have so little effect; even coming from the Godhead Himself, filling my heart with divine Love do not affect everyone? Yes, and even there are some souls who do not seem to penetrate in Your Word but remain listless; is Your athlete running in rounds in empty circles? My lips are eager to proclaim Your righteousness, Your marvels, and I had hoped to receive a sympathetic response so that it consoles You, bringing You out of Gethsemane and allowing You to breathe some fresh air instead of the bitter and agonising air of Gethsemane; I feel sometimes that Your athlete is failing You and a lot of athletic work goes in vain; I am labouring and I am spent to obey Your Command to revive, embellish and unite the Church, rebuilding the structure of the Church, by the power of the Holy Spirit; I am trying to follow faithfully Your Command to me, but it seems that after a lot of sweat and with a lot of struggle, having re-modelled part of a wall of the structure, lo and behold who comes trotting along? Oppressors; oppressors appear in the night to demolish with one blow the freshly built wall; having put all their emblems on to show their authority, they slither like snakes and do their job; all the sweat and blood shed all these years, has it been in vain? If the demons did not choose men to accomplish through them their evil mischief then who is it that dictates to these people these heinous crimes and these diabolical frantic actions? Tell me, Lord and Sovereign, have I met with Your demands? Have I at all done any visible structure worthy of honour for You? Are my eyes lingering on inanities perhaps? Has unity seen any light or progressed an inch or two? With all the graces I received have I done anything at all to honour You? Or am I turning in circles? You endowed my spirit with a prophetic gift, what have I given You in return, my Lord, for all that You have adorned me with in Your exuberant Love? In which way have I been negligent? You, who raise kings to thrones, are known that if they grow proud of their unending sway, then You fetter them with chains, binding them in the bondage of distress; I am a witness and I can witness that I have seen and watched great men fall when they did not listen to You; Your divine justice fell on them like a thunderbolt destroying them together with their pride. Yet, Your Mercy did not lack to show them several times all that they have done and all the sins of pride they were committing. In earlier days I had to suffer to learn not to stray from You; in later days I still suffered to see the arrogant offending You; these days I still suffer to watch so much indifference shown to Your Merciful Call; Suffering has become my daily bread.... I have given you the Source1 of prophecy and through His teachings and good counsel you have given Me your heart and your will; these two things suffice for Me; as for your failures and your lacking, I filled where you lacked, and in My exuberant love I have for you it obliged Me to take care Myself where you had failed Me; in My fatherly Mercy I looked upon all your negligences as a father would look upon the negligences of his own little child: with compassion and ever so ready to help out with tenderness, whispering soft words of love so as not to frighten you away while showing you once more how I care for you and for your own progress; as for the afflictions you suffer for the sake of My Church and for My Sake, My sister, My cathedral, do not despair; with one single of My glances I rebuild what has fallen; I have once shown you My Cup, and I was beckoning to you to 1That is the Holy Spirit.
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