98 True Life in God Notebook 13 Vassula, Vassula, taken by my own, neglected by My beloved, 1 come, honour Me, love Me! I love You, I cling on You. When will this happen? ah, Vassula, do not run in front of Me; come, all in good time, But You know Lord that I’m an outsider, a nothing and not knowing what’s going on where You are mentioning, then who would want to see my papers (Your writings). They will, if it reaches them, throw all the writings in my face laughing, they will probably throw it around me like confetti. After all, who am I? Nothing but a ‘Professional Sinner’! remember who is leading you! I am God, do you remember what you said to your friend, yes, the unbeliever? they were My words: you are like a mouse running away from a Giant; you are a speck of dust; (True, a friend of ours, an unbeliever, received a message from God. He said to me later on: “In half a minute this message destroyed beliefs of 20 solid years. Why should I, a Professional Sinner, get such a message? But I will fight it. I will run away.” I laughed! Then told him God’s words.) Vassula, trust Me, Lord, I do, but it’s me that’s the problem. Why do You trust me? You should not. My Lord, I'm all good-will, yes, but as You said, very weak. Don’t trust me! I’m very sinful. Vassula, you are ineffably weak; I knew this from all Eternity; but be nothing, I want you to be nothing, how else would I manifest Myself alone if we were two? let 1He said it in a very sad tone, like someone being betrayed by his best friend. Me free always and I shall act in you; come lean on Me! June 17, 1987 (Dhaka) You make me aware of my wretchedness and that you approached me in spite of my wickedness and having absolutely no merits for such graces given to me. Comparing the saints, it’s obvious. Do You understand then why the ‘wave of doubt’ comes? Just because of that; because of my unworthiness; remember, You taught me everything from scratch, and remember how I in the beginning denied You, knowing It’s You? You see what I mean? When I have the ‘wave of doubt’ because of the reasons above, I know I'm offending You and hurting You. As You said once, “ you hurt Me when you forget who saved you from darkness; ”. On the other hand my mind almost reels to understand, why You come to a soul like me given a mission of such importance, to someone who had to start from scratch in Scripture, a 150% sinner! The more Your guidance goes on the more miracles it gives. Total atheists are bent, but You blessed It Lord, so I should not feel surprised. One after another unbeliever returns to You by reading It. People who told me: “You'll NEVER make me read one page of all this, I don’t believe in anything but solids, money, business ...”, these words ringing still in my ears, and to see now this man keener than his wife (who tried to convince him at first without success) wanting all the editions of Jesus’ Guidance, saying that It gives him tremendous peace. I never spoke to him, since I am not good in ‘parole’. It just happened: Jesus, of course. You’re Wonderful! it is I, Jesus, beloved Son of God; I have been sending you all these books so that you may believe in My Supernatural Works; I have been feeding you My
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