90 True Life in God Notebook 12 Me, say to Me your words, let Me hear them again, tell Me, “I love you Jesus, you are my joy, my breathe, my rest, my sight, my smile,” daughter, were you given time to think and meditate you would please Me furthermore; you will from now on seek Me in silence, love Me in absolute silence, pray in silence, enter My Spiritual World in silence; 1 reward Me now, I love you; honour Me by giving yourself to Me, do not displease Me, be Mine beloved, speak! How in silence, Lord? in silence looking at Me, I want you to stay still, without having interferences of any sort, seek Me in silence; Without interferences at all? none at all; desire stillness; Jesus, how could I possibly find this stillness in a family, it is almost impossible! I will give it to you; I pity you, Vassula! My remnant, My myrrh, My love, what will I not do for you! My Heart fills with compassion for your misery, and your falls; I the Lord will help you - never feel abandoned or unloved; do you know how I felt that time you felt so unloved? Where? in My Church; 2 1The unceasing prayer. 2 After I had been told that sometimes Jesus does refuse people and He can shut the door to them. (In an argument I had with a priest, giving me to read a passage from the Bible about the Canaanite women whom He refused. But in the end, He did not refuse her, He had only challenged her to show her faith – but that, I did not know, and the one who showed me this passage did not let me read till the end.) I had gone to Church taking Holy Communion, so I felt according to our agreement that I had taken No, Lord. I felt crucified all over again, bruised, scourged, spat upon, nailed again; Vassula, how I love you! help Me revive My Church; help Me by letting Me use you; courage, daughter, courage; Jesus, I didn’t know that all this would hurt You, I mean my feeling of being unloved! no, you did not know either that I never refuse anybody who comes to Me; I am Love and Love is for everyone, no matter how evil you can be; June 1, 1987 Vassula, both My Hands have wounds, both My Feet have wounds, My side is open, wide open showing My Heart; they are recrucifying Me; Lord, they are damaging My Church; Lord, is it so very bad? it is, evil has blinded them; love is missing among them; they are not sincere, they have distorted My Word, they have lamed even My Body; My cup of Justice is full do not let it brim over! I want them to stop smothering My Body; I, Jesus, am Love; I want them to stop throwing venomous arrows at each other; harmony among them will restore part of the damage; truthfulness will unmask evil, why all these ceremonies when in truth they have nothing to offer something not permitted, breaking all the laws of the Catholic Church; and that I took something without permission, thus being very evil. The following Sunday I went to Church, I stood near the door, so that I’m half out (since I felt unwanted) and since I believed I was evil and that God was very angry with me, I did not go forward with the others for Communion, fearing I would make things worse if I did.
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