Notebook 11 True Life in God 77 May 18, 1987 (I've been at 6.30 to Holy Communion as Jesus asked me. In the middle of it Jesus started talking to me. I received the Bread and in my mouth it felt like a lacerated piece of flesh1 which had been ripped off from scourging. Funny how I felt it yesterday different; and today different. It seemed like Jesus was giving me different impressions.) Jesus? I am; love Me, come close to Me; I will give you different impressions every time you receive Me; Vassula, I grieve when you are distant to Me; (It’s true. Sometimes when ‘the wave’ of doubt covers me, I refuse to talk to Him or see Him, saying to myself that it’s not Him, and I avoid His image, avoid talking with Him, avoid all what He’s taught me. I’m trying to convince myself that my imagination played tricks.) you are grieving Me, beloved; you are offending Me when you block Me out and seem so far away; understand that the devil is behind all this; he is desperate and wants you to believe that you are only imagining all the graces I have given you; he wants you to forget all My Heavenly teachings; he wants to drag you back to him; when you seem so far from Me, I fear, I fear for you; when a shepherd sees one from his flock wander away would he just sit? a good shepherd would rush to it, pick it up and bring it back; when I see you wandering away, I will not wait; I will rush to you and fetch you; I will draw you closer to Me; little one, I will cover you with my cloak when 1 Jesus was showing me that Holy Communion was not just plain bread that we are taking, but that indeed it is Christ’s Body we receive. you are cold; I will feed you, lift you close to my Heart when distressed; what will I not do for you; Jesus? I am; Why all these graces for me? Why? let Me free to give to whom I please; But I don’t want to be different from others! Vassula, you will be receiving Me, let Me use you; have I not told you that I will liberate you? I don’t understand. I wish to liberate many souls from their chains, chains of evil; I am using you as an instrument; do not misunderstand My Works; My appeal is not for you only; My appeal of Peace and Love is for all humanity! Yes Lord, but I feel a bit uncomfortable when friends know about this. I mean I feel uncomfortable when some of them look and say, “You are privileged.” I feel awful. feel awful, daughter, for being chosen because of your wretchedness; I have not chosen you because of your merits; I have told you already before, that your merits are none and what comes out of the Lord's mouth is but the Truth; come often and repent to Me; remember I do not favour you more than the rest of My children; I know, Jesus. I know that’s why I feel embarrassed for You giving me this grace, to call You anytime I wish. Vassula, Vassula, I give even to the most wretched; let your friends see how My Heart is an abyss of Mercy and Forgiveness; let them see how I raise
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