690 True Life in God Notebook 66 You went through? Are You showing my soul what Your sensitive Heart went through that night? Why are You hiding from me then in Your land? You know how much my soul and heart are pining away with love for You and how I long, oh how I long, to gaze on You incessantly, to the point of insanity. YESHUAH, You know how my soul thirsts for You, so why have You turned Your Back to me? YESHUAH, why do You take pleasure in breaking every fibre of my heart? You made out of me a Target for Your Archery, thrusting arrow after arrow, am I to cover myself from the rain of Your arrows? When thus I lost You, now, how am I to stand alone? Have You brought me all this way to desert me? YESHUAH, I lost all the taste for life now that You have gone ..... but tell me the reason at least for Your abrupt decision! Is it right for You to carry me in Your homeland and ignore me? Would it be that You had second thoughts about me? O my Faithful YESHUAH, I cry out to You but Silence is the only thing I hear; I stand in the heart of Your homeland but You take no notice of my wretched soul. When I went to the gates of Jerusalem, when I took my seat in Your country, no sooner had I entered Your land, my praises echoed in every ear. You let me build my hopes upon entering Your city, but no sooner had I entered then You shut out my soul from Your Light. When one is deprived of Your Presence, does not Your Heart feel it? By Your own initiative You traced a path for me to reach You and now You take pleasure in plunging me into darkness. Night is my sole route companion. Were You to pass me, I would not see You .... Were You to touch me I would not feel you, nor would I detect Your Presence. So how am I to walk now without Your Light? I am full of fear before this emptiness. Why do You do this to Your faithful friend? YESHUAH, is this the way You treat Your guests? I shall set my case before our Eternal Father , and to the other one, 1 the one You have given me as my counsellor; if I am innocent they will bring me Hope. (That same morning I set out my case before Fr. O’Carroll and wept.) (Then, later on that same day I saw my YESHUAH with the eyes of my soul at the entrance of His Tomb, and before I entered it He lifted His Hand, touched with His Thumb my forehead and crossed it swiftly several times blessing me.) (That same night:) peace be with you, so very little one! courage! do not be afraid; listen to My Words: are you questioning My Faithfulness, My Loyalty and My Gentleness? have you not heard that they are beyond measure? realise how I Myself was broken in these moments of your atonement; 2 incense and appeasing 1Fr. Michael O’Carroll. 2Three days Jesus had hid away from me.
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